Thursday, February 28, 2008

Rude People Suck

Why are some people so rude? Do these people honestly think they will get better treatment? This doesn't occur just in people from the North like most negative behavioral traits, but is common among the backwoods people of the South. Do these people think by instilling fear in some young kid making minimum wage or some poor lady who is working to allow her child to go get an education so he/she can become a rude person also? The answer in my opinion is NO! If a certain person is mean to me I will not go out of my way to be friendly, and certainly not helpful. In fact, most of the time I am rude and a smart donkey back. The people who get the finest treatment are the ones who happen to be nice to me. If they go out of their way to be friendly to me, I will make sure I go out of my way to return the favor. So back to my original question, Why are some people so rude? Is it because someone urinated in their Cheerio's? Did they wake up on the wrong side of the bed? Did something crawl up into their nether reigons and die? No, the answer is an ego and self confidence issue. The rude people are thoroughly convinced that they are weak, and to compensate for this must be forceful and hateful with others. Another reason for their rudeness is anger because they are so insecure with themselves. They constantly walk around leading their poor spouse on a leash because of a lack of trust. They further on instill their insecurities to themselves, and get angry because they have a lack of testosterone or estrogen depending on the gender. So why write this blog? What is this going to change in a rude person? Probably nothing, but using a direct threat on their manhood or womanhood will make them angry and give them a reason to be angry and rude. I just hope a rude person reads this and thinks, "Hey that might be my problem," and do something to change it. How can a rude person change their problem? Simple get an uglier spouse you can trust because no person in their sane minds would touch their ugliness, several Botox injections to compensate for the sagging frown, testosterone or estrogen replacement therapy, or, my personal favorite, move to the North where society calls you normal.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Hypocrtitcal Preacher

"Jesus Christ," not in a religious way, but in a taking the Lord's name in vain way. I am not a biblical scholar by any means, but I am pretty sure there is some kind of commandment against using this particular phrase. The surprising part....this was from a disgruntled preacher who came to our pharmacy this weekend. No person on Earth will ever accuse me of being a saint or even a good person, but maybe they expect more from their pastor. A pastor if I understand correctly should be especially careful of how he/she appears to the public, and by breaking one of the Ten Commandments in public view is not a good example. This not only reflects poorly on the pastor, but on the flock of believers that he leads every Sunday and Wednesday during the week. How would the world view Jesus if he was to walk around killing and destroying people? Everyone should be more careful how they appear in public because a nonbeliever will probably be watching his/her actions and develop an opinion based on the believers actions. In the preacher's defense, he/she is already viewed in the public as a joke and a quack for his/her beliefs and how he/she will ask the people to send their money to the Lord, but his/her address is on the envelop. I guess from the reputation he/she has acquired this should not have surprised me. Maybe the preacher will stumble upon this blog while searching for a pornographic site, this is so he/she know what evils lurk out their for his/her members, and if he/she does so maybe he/she will take a second thought on his/her actions. However, he/she was going to transfer all their medicines to CVS so it is not my problem anymore. Can I get an amen or a testify?

Sunday, February 24, 2008

The Man

Every single person who has had some contact with me in any sort of fashion has heard me use the term, “the man is keeping me down.” How many times have you stopped and asked yourself, “Who is the man,” or “what is he smoking.” Let me assure my readers out there that I am not on any types of illicit substances, and have approached this question using the scientific method. The results I have obtained through trial and error are astounding, and after this is blogged I will probably disappear from the face of the Earth because the man decided I have revealed too much of his devilish plan.

The first possible place to begin a search is the obvious answer to the question that the government is keeping us down. While this may be true in many cultures, such as my own corrupt LCPD roots, it can’t be responsible for the man 1000 miles away in a place like Zimbabwe.

The most lame and obvious response is “ourselves.” How in the heck would I be keeping myself down? Do I look like a self oppressing idiot? Ok…don’t answer that! But I am not keeping myself down, or am I? What if it isn’t me but someone directly involved with me, perhaps some beautiful woman oppressing me? Nah, beautiful women keep me UP not down!

If I can have a drum roll here, I am about to reveal an answer…the man is…the wallet monster! How many times have you seen something you need, not want because I need one of everything, two if they are twins, but have no money to blow on it. Every stinking time I open my wallet it gets smaller and smaller. I know I am not spending that much money so the only logical explanation is the Wallet “The Man” Monster. So let me expand on the Wallet Monster.

Genus: Wallaticus Manicus Eatandcuss

Common Name: The Man

Discovered By: Michael S. Craig, Ph.D

Habitat: Dark, leathery places sometimes moist with butt sweat in the case of my Dad who gets striken by him every payday.

Diet: The endangered greenbacks

Breeding Habits: Just like the discoverer, anything that will not move.

Dream Job: To get a Ph.D

Religion: Scientology duh…he’s a star

I hope everyone can become more aware of this sinister creature before the man gets to you. Beware he is like an STD…everywhere.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Southern Invasion

"Did she talk like she just came outta the sticks?" "Everyone here talks like that!" "Better the sticks than the trailer park you crawled from." This was the conversation from the other evening I had with a yankee while at work. She was from what I like to call the DEEP North (upper Michigan). What is wrong with all the dang yankees coming down to the dirty dirty, invading us with the diseases of rudeness! If they hate the people so much and ridicule our obviously superior ways why move down here??? This is because the NORTH BLOWS cold in the winter time. How many times have you been yelled out by a yankee? Why do they think they are better than us? Is it because they sold their trailer for lots of money and move down and get screwed into buying a house in the village? I would hate to be known as one of the village people. For all of you anti-yankee league people out there please be assured most of them come down here to die so it is only a matter of time before they are gone. What makes people from the South so darn nice and friendly? There is a popular theory currently in Draft by Michael S. Craig, Ph.D that is due to the sweetening effect. The accumulation of sweet tea and Mountain Dew over a southerners lifetime will of course make their personality that much sweeter. My other rant is when a Northerner approaches me and ask do you talk so slow and with a drawl? Yankees believe this is because of our inferior intelligence. Let them believe that so I can continue to over charge them for ridiculous services like rain proof gutters, or my personal favorite, Mud resistant dirt. The real reason we speak with such an accent is of course to get all the ladies! So for you Southerners are worried about the invasion fear not I say, let them die off and we will have our land back! PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: THIS DOES NOT APPLY TO YANKS, TEJLA, ALL MY PBA FRIENDS WHO RESIDE IN THE NORTH

Population Control

A day never goes by where I don't see some poor child doped up on Adderall or Ritalin. I stop and ask myself do these kids really have a problem? I was a "hyperactive" child but did my maw and paw but me on drugs? Nope, they gave me tough love. "Son, if you get another unsatisfactory on your conduct report I'm gonna tan your hide." That was all the encouragement and drugs I needed. My friend has currently adopted a child who was severely abused growing up, and then was sent to a trouble academy where a quack Doctor put him on more medicines that I can count. In just a few weeks of having a loving and stable home the child has already improved and sadly is probably gonna be smarter than some of my friends. What is the amazing part about this story? The love, the stability? Neither, the child has been taken off most of his meds by a real doctor, and guess what is doing BETTER. Is this a scientific case study? Nope not even in the smallest amount, however it proves my point so it is written in stone. What should happen to the parents of the children? Lets take the drugs they give their kids, and put them on them so they can be crazed members of society...well to late for the craze let them be members of society anyway. Another suggestion is to keep these "parents" from ever becoming......well Parents? Shall I take my fathers suggestion and shoot them? Yes simple and quick I know, and it will spur the economy, think of all the ammo sold and the janitors to clean up the GOO! I however and in favor of what my good ol' buddy Bob Barker had to say on the subject, "Spay and Neuter your pets." That's basically what these people are. They are not smarter than Mom's mutt dog, and thus should be fixed liked one. When the parents have an IQ of 70 and can't read, but how in the crap to they figure out how to reproduce, or make Meth for forms of monetary support. We have got to encourage this from the beginning with something besides "education." Fixing at birth if they are unfortunate to be born to such parents.
Is my view point narrow...Hell yeah it is! Am I wrong...I'm a guy so obviously not. Listen People! Ban Country Music, discourage inbreeding! This is the first of many blog posts to come, stay in touch people, I miss all my peeps from PBA.