Every single person who has had some contact with me in any sort of fashion has heard me use the term, “the man is keeping me down.” How many times have you stopped and asked yourself, “Who is the man,” or “what is he smoking.” Let me assure my readers out there that I am not on any types of illicit substances, and have approached this question using the scientific method. The results I have obtained through trial and error are astounding, and after this is blogged I will probably disappear from the face of the Earth because the man decided I have revealed too much of his devilish plan.
The first possible place to begin a search is the obvious answer to the question that the government is keeping us down. While this may be true in many cultures, such as my own corrupt LCPD roots, it can’t be responsible for the man 1000 miles away in a place like Zimbabwe.
The most lame and obvious response is “ourselves.” How in the heck would I be keeping myself down? Do I look like a self oppressing idiot? Ok…don’t answer that! But I am not keeping myself down, or am I? What if it isn’t me but someone directly involved with me, perhaps some beautiful woman oppressing me? Nah, beautiful women keep me UP not down!
If I can have a drum roll here, I am about to reveal an answer…the man is…the wallet monster! How many times have you seen something you need, not want because I need one of everything, two if they are twins, but have no money to blow on it. Every stinking time I open my wallet it gets smaller and smaller. I know I am not spending that much money so the only logical explanation is the Wallet “The Man” Monster. So let me expand on the Wallet Monster.
Genus: Wallaticus Manicus Eatandcuss
Common Name: The Man
Discovered By: Michael S. Craig, Ph.D
Habitat: Dark, leathery places sometimes moist with butt sweat in the case of my Dad who gets striken by him every payday.
Diet: The endangered greenbacks
Breeding Habits: Just like the discoverer, anything that will not move.
Dream Job: To get a Ph.D
Religion: Scientology duh…he’s a star
I hope everyone can become more aware of this sinister creature before the man gets to you. Beware he is like an STD…everywhere.