Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Oil Dependency

One of the most popular topics in the campaign for presidency is the "war of terror." Of course the real terror is possibly in our own government, but that is another blog for another time. How many extremist and terrorist are backed by oil-producing countries? Lots of them according to the media. Who supports these giant dinosaur loving corporations? We do. What would happen to their economy if the entire United States of America went an entire week without buying gas? Probably nothing, because everyone would give them money on day 8 making up for all the deficits. What if America could reduce their oil consumption for a long-term period instead of a short term? Complete and utter chaos would follow in the middle east (which is still the normal). The people who own the oil come from countries who have no other economy. A drop in oil consumption would kill them, making them beg for America's generous help to feed their dying poor. They would also have no more money for RPG's thus making the war on terror completely over...at least on foreign soil. I beg the good people who read this blog to stop using so much oil and stick it to the terrorist, at least until I buy stock in an oil company then I demand you to use the devil out of it and I will turn republican. So a question to consider for next time, "If the terrorist are supported by oil tycoons and the oil is brought to us by companies like BP, Texaco, and Shell etc..., are they not terrorist themselves?" I know these companies sure do terrorize my wallet.

Friday, March 7, 2008

Global Warming

My least favorite time of year for those of my readers who do not know me well enough to already know is Winter. However, with the advent of the global warming problem this may soon be a thing of the past. I am having a hard time discovering what is so bad about the "problem." Global warming is a release of excess carbon dioxide into the atmosphere for those uneducated people from Tennessee. What do plants consume to start the process of photosynthesis? The answer is carbon dioxide. An increase in the carbon dioxide means happier plants that produce more oxygen. The next problem the opposition wants to push is the melting of the polar ice caps. A tragedy yes for the people who live along the coastal cities, but I will be that much closer to the beach. Invest in property in the Appalachian Mountains soon because it will be priceless when the water rises and will be a mountainous and beach front region! What about the displaced wildlife that inhabits the polar regions? Simple, it is a proven fact from Michael Craig, Ph. D that penguins really want to be warm and hate their cold land. Polar bears much prefer the habitat of the zoo where they can entertain children of all ages. And perhaps the most important and over looked organism of all are the Inuits. They will lose land and their igloo homes for no ice will be available. What are they gonna do? They will have to become normal Natives like the rest of the people we took the land from, and began to manufacture coolers with the name of Igloo. What about the hole in Ozone layer that is forming? Well people are always going on about having a sun tan, and now the sun can reach them that much easier for that natural islands look. Will this cause a rise in skin cancer? Absolutely! Which will cause an increase in the economy to pull us out of the recession we are in because cancer people need medicine! It will pump unheard of millions into the health care system fueling a revival in the economy. So the next time you fill up with gas remember the simple question, "How can I get terrible gas mileage and increase the carbon dioxide levels."

Thursday, March 6, 2008

The Greatest Liar in the World

If I lied to you everyday since you were born would you believe a word I said? If I lied to you even for a week would you believe a word I said? My ex-girlfriends please do not answer that. I hope the answer is no. However, what if I told you everyday you believe someone who has done nothing but lie to you. Does this person know he/she is lying to you? Absolutely. Who is it? The meteorologist. How in the world can anyone even attempt to predict the weather 10 days in advance? They can not predict the weather even one day in advance so why try for ten. If the meteorologist tells me the day before there is a 95% chance for rain or 5% chance for rain...then it will rain. In some regions the weather is even ridiculously easy to predict. For example my old homestead of South Florida, how hard is it to guess it's gonna rain? It rained everyday! However despite the lies they tell us to our face everyday we continue to believe them. I ask my readers, all 2 of you, to stand up against this oppression and fight for what is right, the truth. Make the weather people get up on TV and say, "Tomorrow it will be either Sunny, Cloudy, or Rainy." They would guess the weather right and not lie. Until this day happens we the people can not pursue life, liberty and happiness. It is a constitutional violation to be incorrect about the weather. How about that 5 minutes they spend on the weather every news cast the TV stations put something beneficial in there about corrupt police or corrupt politicians or corrupt police or corrupt police. Did I mention corrupt police? Until this day I shall be here at UT library wallowing in my self-pity since I can not pursue happiness. Be looking in the future people about how the weather is controlled and made. The answer will surprise you I guarantee it.