Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Joining the Army

Last blog I promised to provide my views on affirmative action, but due to the demand of the media and how much I am supposed to hate the Black man because of his color I will digress that topic for now. As usual my after school routine involves going by some gun shop to waste a ridiculous amount of money so I can prepare for the revolution. The last trip however was the best one yet. No not because I finally got my AK, but because I was approached by an Army recruiter. Let me inform you on the dialogue that took place. Army recruiter (AR for short), "Hi, young man." Me, "What's up g?" AR, "So you like guns and shootin' stuff?" Me, "Hells yeah!" AR, "Well young man, how would you like to shoot people?" Me, "You had me at hello." Long story short I didn't join the army because I am mentally unstable...and I crap too much. The point I wanna make is how well this old man did. He knew exactly how to catch my attention! If everyone recruiter tried this approach I am sure the army would be overflowing with people, but alas there is one point he left out...sometimes they shoot back. Either way my hat is off to the guy for the best recruiter of the year award. Most of the time I don't give them the time of day because if I wanna join the army I call up the Notourious M.E.G. and say beeotch let me in. And besides people like me don't make good soldiers, I shoot everything that moves...twice. The main point is this guy truly loves his job, lucky cracker. Why can't I find a job I truly love? Oh well I thought I would share the funniest recruitment story ever with my three readers. Peace out crackers, tell your mothers and sisters I said hi.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Government Bail-Out

Well many of my faithful readers have asked so here it is, my views on the government bail-out. Did I make reader plural...my bad it should only be reader. AIG, a leading insurance firm has asked for the government to bail them out, along with Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac (who killed Bernie Mac R.I.P).
My number one concern with the government bail-out has to do with communism. For those of you who don't know, my colors don't run...period. If you say they do, well pardner, thems is fightin' words. Communist countries own their health care which most definately blows. Communists own their lending companies, but 99% of the time they are so broke they have no money to lend. Back in my US history class we learned that the Republican party wanted a more anonymous central government. It seems to me that is not the case anymore. So is there any difference between the democrats and Republicans? You tell me cause I can't see one. Someone please enlighten me. For me this pushes my colors and makes me want to succeed from the Union...again.
The number two concern is simple, I have student loan debt and the President has not called me to see if I needed a bail out. Which of course I do need a bail-out, big time. My friends Chris's will agree with me here, they could use a bail-out too. If you bail out the people in debt in America will it equal 700 billion dollars? It probably will, but think of what that would do for the economy! We would be dept free and have tons of credit able to get more debt with! Visa corp are you listening?
My last concern is more of a solution taken from my fellow brothers on Magnolia Avenue when they need extra cash. Lets rob a mother. Surely there is some country out there that looks like an all night liquor store (Iraq) waiting to get assaulted. If we still all their oil and sell it we could make a fortune! Mr. Bush please take me seriously. I will even help you, I'll bring the panty hose and guns you just pick me up in the chopper. We can roll up in their capital with our guns blasting saying everyone done this is a mother &*$^&*#& stick-up. Cash here, jewels here, women here, oil here, and children here...we can sell them on the black market for orans like they do in Columbia and China. Of course this is ludacriss, but...it will work.
Now it is time for a serious discussion, succeeding from the Union. All of those in favor of these say I and comment me. I am ready for the Confederate Order of Concerned Kin (C.O.C.K.) to form and rise up against this Communist plan. My next blog will be on Affirmative Action

Monday, October 20, 2008

My Latest Conspiracy

Saturday started as a normal day for me, but as my day continued I found myself eating a footlong hot dog at Sonic Drive-In and the question was posed to me by my S.O. why do hot dogs come in ten packs but the hot dug buns come in eight packs. The answer is simple...CONSPIRACY! As I type this the Merita bread president is currently listening to my voice mail I left him, and is probably on the telephone with agent 47 right now planning my assasination because I have learned of such a conspiracy. This is not just a conspiracy, but a problem plaguing the nation that is much larger than the bailout crisis. Think of all the excess waste, do you throw away the extra hotdogs or buy two packs of buns and toss out the extras? Fortunate for me my mom weighs about 300 pounds so she eats everything left over. What about the starving people in the motherland of Africa? I bet they would love to eat our buns and extra dogs. Should we as a people start the Weiners for African Natives Group, a.k.a W.A.N.G? I believe this is a huge concern and I will alert Johnny Duncan about it. Another strong point I can pose as a problem with my new conspiracy is how much it is hurting the environment. Think of how many animals, packaging, and energy can be saved by lowering the count of Hot Dogs to 8. Lets see my family eats a pack of dogs a week so thats about 2 hotdogs a person per week and with the US population at 303,824,648 so lets say 607,649,296 hotdogs are consumed in the household a year not counting ball parks and fairs and fat camps. That number is perfectly divisible by 8 which will make 75,956,162 packs a year but if the pack stays at ten then America is plagued by extra dogs. I am tired of buy 8 packs of hot dogs and 10 packs of wieners just to have an even number! Do you have any idea of how eating that many hot dogs does to my six pack abs!! My last and final point of the hot dog conspiracy is lowering the hotdog production will increase demand causing the price to increase raising the hot dog workers wages unless the CEO gets greedy. This in turn gives the worker more money to spend causing the economy to increase. Check and mate Obama and McCain. I figured out how to fix the economy in less than 55 minutes listening to a teacher rambling in Spanish. I have spoken my piece and counted to three all that can be said now is, "Gopher Everett?"