Monday, October 20, 2008

My Latest Conspiracy

Saturday started as a normal day for me, but as my day continued I found myself eating a footlong hot dog at Sonic Drive-In and the question was posed to me by my S.O. why do hot dogs come in ten packs but the hot dug buns come in eight packs. The answer is simple...CONSPIRACY! As I type this the Merita bread president is currently listening to my voice mail I left him, and is probably on the telephone with agent 47 right now planning my assasination because I have learned of such a conspiracy. This is not just a conspiracy, but a problem plaguing the nation that is much larger than the bailout crisis. Think of all the excess waste, do you throw away the extra hotdogs or buy two packs of buns and toss out the extras? Fortunate for me my mom weighs about 300 pounds so she eats everything left over. What about the starving people in the motherland of Africa? I bet they would love to eat our buns and extra dogs. Should we as a people start the Weiners for African Natives Group, a.k.a W.A.N.G? I believe this is a huge concern and I will alert Johnny Duncan about it. Another strong point I can pose as a problem with my new conspiracy is how much it is hurting the environment. Think of how many animals, packaging, and energy can be saved by lowering the count of Hot Dogs to 8. Lets see my family eats a pack of dogs a week so thats about 2 hotdogs a person per week and with the US population at 303,824,648 so lets say 607,649,296 hotdogs are consumed in the household a year not counting ball parks and fairs and fat camps. That number is perfectly divisible by 8 which will make 75,956,162 packs a year but if the pack stays at ten then America is plagued by extra dogs. I am tired of buy 8 packs of hot dogs and 10 packs of wieners just to have an even number! Do you have any idea of how eating that many hot dogs does to my six pack abs!! My last and final point of the hot dog conspiracy is lowering the hotdog production will increase demand causing the price to increase raising the hot dog workers wages unless the CEO gets greedy. This in turn gives the worker more money to spend causing the economy to increase. Check and mate Obama and McCain. I figured out how to fix the economy in less than 55 minutes listening to a teacher rambling in Spanish. I have spoken my piece and counted to three all that can be said now is, "Gopher Everett?"

2 comments:

Michael Craig said...

Update: It has been 24 hours and the Merita bread corp. has not contacted me. Neither has the wiener people.

Anonymous said...

That's because there is no logical answer!